Balance is so 90’s

I recently posted on social media about this term 'work life balance.' I worked in corporate wellness for a good 9 years and still do on site seminars. It's such a common term there...as if it's some ideal state where we are operating at our best...and are healthy.

Such a 90's idea. INTEGRATION seems so much more 'ideal' to me. Let's check it out for a moment.

Balance has a few things implied. Most definitely, it infers a divide or recognition of work and life as separate entities that we have or are acting in. It also seems to have an effort more to the tone of tension to it. We must somehow manage our 'doing' or 'acting' in such a way that there is equal weight..or value or effort given to each. Which means at times..we are denying it from one to give to the other. In essence we are only showing up with a portion of ourselves...as the other is reserved for the other side of the equation in some way ..whether engaged or trying intentionally to keep the divide.

Integration, on the other hand, seems to recognize boundaries, AND have an overlap of the energies..or the space that occurs. Integration typically isn't something we attain by force, or managing ..but more allowing and opening. We allow ourselves to show up for both, at once, and allow a flow. We show up with all of ourselves present...even if part is outside the overlap, it's still part of the whole and maybe just gets less attention or energy in the moment..but still whole.

I mean..isn’t this the ‘sweet spot?’ Why wouldn’t we want to live all parts of our life from this state of ‘being?!’ Can you feel the vibration of this just from looking at it? Like a sound wave…circular ripples from the center out in all directions!! Influencing everything!

Ultimately, doing comes from being. How we do, what we choose, when, with what intention and to what outcome..are all directly or indirectly influenced by our 'being.' This reminds me of that saying:

We don’t experience life as it is, we experience life as we are -- through our perceptions.

Our perceptions, our sensations, our presence...our being. Do you want to experience it fully? or or just a portion?

What if it was a relatively seamless existence?

What if the trend wasn't for clients in their mid 20's to be in session sharing how they feel guilty watching TV because they feel like they "should be doing something," at all times and how uncomfortable they are being by themselves?

What if we said..screw 'balance,' and dared to integrate…to learn to love it all?!

I want my kids to love their own company. I want my children to show up fully for all of it. It's short, but sweet for certain.

'Find your Flow' sessions are one super effective route toward this integration.

Clients report feeling: more peaceful, sleeping better, energized, lighter.. They report doing things they didn't think they could do without significant anxiety...not being triggered the same. They report changes in perspective that make them feel more FREE. This is integration, alignment and it is your BIRTHRIGHT!

Reach out if you have questions if a ‘find your flow’ session is right for you now!

‘f’ balance :)

I’m embarrassed to admit…

Yesterday it happened. Yesterday, I believe I put the puzzle together and shit got real. And do you know how I did it? Hint: it wasn't thinking about it harder. :)

The puzzle....oh that's only about lineage and cancer and freedom...nothing big ;) Definitely too much for this blog and in all honesty...I'm not sure I'm ready to share all that just yet. But it's big. And...I'm guessing that there is something in your life that you want or would like clarity on and you don't want to think about it harder. It's probably already taking up too much mental real estate. So, here is how it went down.

I started to ASK! Yup, that's the key takeaway here. I’m embarrassed to admit I totally had forgotten to Ask! And…well with a little reminder from a brilliant friend…I remembered this simple but powerful piece.

Something going on in your body?

Something on your mind you need guidance in?

Something you want to achieve but you're unsure how?

Someone in your life you want to understand better or know their role better?

Something you can't get over or let go of?

Don't worry about how big or small. Consider how you've addressed this so far. Write it down even.

Sure I think...I also sit (meditate), spin (Bengston), I work with energy (reiki), I smudge, I read, I write, I pull cards...and now..I ASK!

It's so simple, but was the missing link for me. And here's why I think it easily gets forgotten or overlooked.

Ask? Ask who? OK, first, this is not dependent upon any specific belief. You may know who you are asking (God, Universe, source, Allah, Angels), or you may not believe there is any(one) to ask. Faith or belief, I don't think matters. Even if you have none...asking is a way to uplevel self-reflection. It positions you with curiosity and openness. It begins a dialogue, perhaps, if there is a subject to whom you are directing that ask. At the very least, it distinguishes that thought from the over 6,000 others you have in a day. Taking a moment to ask out loud (or even more pronounced in your head), for the support, guidance, power, answers, understanding, or opportunities you are seeking must be part of it (IMHO)! Of course another key part- being open to receive any responses you might get. This is where it can get tricky. If there is a response to come, it comes in the present. And, well, we must be present to catch it. And..as we so often are..we are led back to the power of mindfulness. If you have done this sort of attention training to any extent, you may be better poised to realize the answers that emerge. Today, I was in mediation which I started with the ask. When the thoughts came and I put them together, my body took a deep breath. The next few moments I felt an opening in my throat that I've never felt and a few other sensations. I felt a sense of truth. I wasn't thinking through it...it just came. If you are like many of us, we overthink sometimes...OK...a lot of the time. In the past, I would think...Is that 'just' my imagination? Am I making meaning where there isn't any...was it just coincidence? Or, I'd be too busy trying to figure it out..that I didn't hear. Sound familiar? Well, WHAT IF that is a response. Trusting our intuition is probably the hardest part for many of us. It's just like Mindfulness...this simplest of things is often such a struggle for folks because we try too hard. We are more inclined to the doing and doing it right. We can also overcomplicate the knowing. We can think our way out of receiving. What if the image, the smell, the feeling, or even the thought, weren't from checking out...but from checking in and asking.

Is this is your version of prayer? Is it the same as contemplation? I'm not sure! I could easily go down a rabbit hole here and perhaps someday we will. For now, I invite you to remember to ASK! repeatedly (and maybe clarify that you are willing to receive)

Let me help you get started: Help me understand what keeps me from asking? Show me what I need to know in order to freely ask? I’ m listening.

My mom’s ‘final(?)’ or most profound lesson

When you're an empath, you teeter on the edge of allowing yourself to feel it all and believing it may likely take you down. Probably subconsciously (maybe not for some), you keep some form of mediation active. Maybe you flat out use escapism, or build an internal fortress. Perhaps you give oscar worthy performances or maybe you do sink. And maybe it's not just empaths, but anyone learning to feel with a full open heart.

This blog may at first appear to be written about a struggle, when in fact, it's about freedom. It's about what may be my mom's final or most profound lesson for me. Or maybe it just seems this way right now.

For about 2 decades now, I've been practicing mindfulness meditation and yoga. One of the themes I've had for most of this time has been 'letting go.' When you first start to focus on something and feel it work, it can seem like big shifts. Like when you first cut caffeine consumption down or out..you might get a headache and it's obvious. Or, when you start taking dōTERRA's life long vitality vitamins and you immediately feel what it's like to have energy all day. :) Then over time, the changes or progress may seem less obvious. Maybe you reach a certain plateau and the progress slows, isn't as loud or has reached an optimal place. 'Letting go' was an obvious experience for me once it started: in yoga...letting go of the 'perfect form,' the comparison, the overdoing of muscle energy. Eventually, the 'letting go' of attachments to thoughts in meditation was more graceful. These days I meditate for 30 minutes most mornings. Typically, I combine meditation with some Bengston energy practice and sometimes Reiki. My mantra has been ..."help me get out of my own way"...as I encourage my ego to step aside and allow something deeper and bigger to lead. A less obvious, perhaps deeper layer of 'letting go' ...of 'surrender' we sometimes say.

So last week I meditated. Like most mornings these days, I had a few moments of sadness/missing my mom and a few tears fell. Then it became overwhelming and it hurt so fucking much. There was no warning, at least that I sensed. It took my breath away in a very specific way. So this is grief? In that moment, I was vividly aware I had no hold. A moment of feeling totally suspended in air and under immense gravity. A few fleeting moments, and then ...I was FREE. Not free of sadness or grief or any particular sort of thoughts. A freedom that can only be felt when the fortress dissolves in real time and space with no battle, when we seem to step outside of time altogether..there is nowhere to run to or from or thing to grasp. And yet, I did not sink. I can only describe the feeling as Free. Not relief even... as that seems to fall short, just free. Perhaps a moment of experiencing the full, open heart with no cautions or ego involved. A moment of being so aligned with THAT...with Love? with our true essence? And that is freedom as I see it.

I often tell my yoga students and therapy clients about 'letting go' in the physical body with an example of how one might approach a stretch. They might meet their edge and push to go a little further...striving to get some place 'further.' Or, they might meet their edge..that place just outside the comfort zone and then pause and soften. They might 'let go' and find the space open to move deeper into the stretch. Now, I have an emotional tale to tell. And I thank you again, mama...my greatest teacher (next to my boys ;) )

words, women’s day and water

Words. Women's Day. Water. These are a few things on my mind. You know that old saying "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me?" So NOT true! I get it....be tough and so confident ...your words can't penetrate me. Unfortunately, they do. It's clear on imaging technology, that negative words have a direct, less than desirable impact on our energy. You've heard of studies with plants...that talking kindly vs. harshly to plants influences their growth? Have you heard of the water studies? Japanese researcher Masaru Emoto published several volumes of work called The Messages from Water, in which he details how words among other things (i.e. music, thoughts), affect the molecular structure of water.

"The words themselves actually emit a unique vibration that the water is sensing. When water is shown a written word, it receives it as vibration, and expresses the message in a specific form, like a visual code for expressing words. Water exposed to the words," Thank you" formed beautiful geometric crystals, no matter what the language. But water exposed to, "...you fool" and other degrading words resulted in obviously broken and deformed crystals. When a complete geometric crystal is formed, water is in alignment with nature and the phenomena we call life. The words, gratitude and love, form the fundamental principles of the laws of nature and the phenomenon of life."

In one of his studies, he typed various words such as 'love,' 'thank you' and 'you make me sick,' to paper that was taped to the outside of glasses of water. The next morning, he looked at the water under a microscope and found some remarkable things. The 'love' water had beautifully designed molecular structures. The 'you make me sick' water was disorganized and far from cohesive. If this is interesting to you..you will want to check out the work of Veda Austin out of New Zealand. (www.vedaaustin.com). It's just about daily that my jaw drops at her instagram posts (https://instagram.com/vedaaustin_water?utm_medium=copy_link) I'd love to hear what you make of all this work. What I'm focused on and I feel is pretty undeniable, is the power of words. The most toxic of all for many of us, our own inner dialogue. We know words influence our energy, and if a mature human body is comprised of 70% water, well, it's more than just energetic. Imagine what repeatedly saying "I can't take it," "I'm too fat," "not pretty enough," "not smart enough" "not strong enough" "what an idiot" "I don't measure up" "it's too much for me to handle" "I'll never get out of here," or any of the not kind, hopeless, powerless, unworthing (yes, I made that one up) things we might say will do. What sort of damage does a repeated assault like this accumulate? And trust me, if you are aware of some of it...you say it about 30% more than you think, subconsciously. That script or that thought habit is running behind the scenes..so rehearsed, it is barely detectable. That's intense. So, if we really teach others how to treat us..which I believe we do... And, we really want to celebrate, honor, promote International Women's Day...then, my loves, go within. Don't minimize or disregard or mislabel this self talk as something insincere. Take a vow today to Own it. No need to figure out it's origin right now. Own it. Watch for it. Connect to it. Hear it. See it...See beneath it..locate it...soothe it. A cognitive behavioral approach would have us change that narrative right there. A mindfulness based cognitive approach would let it be, as an experience, not who we are. Example: I've noticed recently with an almost 14 year old and strong willed 8 year old, that there have been a good amount of evenings that I've found myself saying "I can't stand this," "I can't do this." So, I got in the habit of going to my room for a moment, turning toward these words, noticing where I felt it in my body..placing a hand there and honoring just that experience, in that moment. Feeling the overwhelm, noticing feelings of being alone, not enough and powerless. I felt my heart racing, my teeth clenched and I breathed.

Later, and once you have an idea of what shows up for you often, choose a narrative that would support the opposite of those feelings. (I chose "my love is boundless and I'm supported"). I CHOSE, You choose. Write it, draw it, post it, repeat it every single morning, in the mirror, in the shower, in the car, before you check a text and see the water begin to resemble the goddess you are, the goddess you choose to vibe. ;) This is my wish for you this International Women's Day.

Sometimes the ‘right’ time looks like sobbing in bed

I taught yoga for a while. I could say the same cue many times over, class after class, and someone who had been in my class weekly for months or even years would inevitably say something like…”when you told me to spin my right inner thigh back today in revolved triangle, I couldn’t believe the difference it made!” I know fellow teachers can relate. It wasn’t that I didn’t cue them on that exact thing and even in that exact way multiple times before. It’s just today, in this moment, they were ready and present to receive it.

The other day I had the same experience, but on the receiving end. I had heard similar teachings many times over about parenting…but when I was sobbing in bed at night feeling like a complete failure as a parent and SO angry at how my kids didn't listen to me that night, all the puzzle pieces slipped into place and new insights...words before, now made perfect, clear landscapes in my mind and I sobbed more.

I'm a big fan of the work of Dr. Shefali. In that moment, I was flooded with the realization of how I wanted to be seen...I wanted to be heard...I wanted to be VALIDATED in the guise of 'respect' and 'rule following.' It's as if paragraphs from her books suddenly read directly from my life experience. Of course being respectful and following rules are perfectly important and within parenting parameters...but I was upset because of my own wounds that run much deeper. I was sobbing from the heart of the little girl who didn't feel truly seen. I was sobbing from the space of feeling that my voice didn't matter or wasn't in some way 'enough.' Those are very summed up and to the point. And this isn't the space to get into where those wounds came from. It's definitely not about blame. I had very young parents and there was love for sure. And there are still wounds. There are wounds I unintentionally played out on my children, putting it on them to make me feel better...to make me feel seen and heard and my voice valued. Even more embarrassing, I wanted them to feel bad about how they made me feel. I wanted them to feel bad for making me feel upset...under the guise of 'empathy.' WOW! Luckily I just sobbed and it all unraveled and I set the intention to tend to those wounds and to be a better mom tomorrow. And I cried. And I felt selfish and shitty. And, I said "it's OK..thank you for showing me...thank you mama for guiding me...and I slept.

It's like this. Self development is a path of stumbling along in ignorance until you aren't. Waking up, falling apart, re-aligning and moving toward integrity..toward freedom. It's a path of many lifetimes (in my opinion) and one that takes courage and humility and authenticity. It's a path that WE are here to explore together because it's even better together :) Like, it's freeing just to tell you this personal story..even though it's totally embarrassing to admit.